My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
