when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
