You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
