How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
