We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize