I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
