the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
As shirtless as possible
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
