I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Randomize
