i need an iv and a liver transplant
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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