Ambien. No doubt about it.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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