imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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