Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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