Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
