yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Randomize
