Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
