I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
