nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize