My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
