Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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