i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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