; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
