you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
