literally had 100 drinks last night.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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