What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
