You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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