it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
