That's intense
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
