hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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