I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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