He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
