the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
