Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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