playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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