she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
