The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
