I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
