What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
