homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
