they need to just BURY HIM!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
