Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
