Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
