So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
