you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
