haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Non-Jews are for practice
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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