Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
