You're so nebulous sometimes
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
