Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So vagazzling was a success
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
