tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
