on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You may now shotgun with the bride
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
