I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize