so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
