lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
