Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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