I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
