So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
