So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
