I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
