Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
