The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize