What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
