Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
