Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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