and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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