great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
