It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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