Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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