I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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