Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
