apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
why do cheetos always look like penises
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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