that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
